What a crazy, horrible, wonderful ride this year has been. When my first year of university was cut short because of Covid-19 I had no idea it would still have such a presence at the end of my second.
Not only did my classmates and I enter our second year one film less than the class before us, we entered not knowing if we would have any films under our belt by the time we finished this year too. I remember the uncertainty and the tension and how it physically made me feel, like I was stuck in a tightening metal vice.
Now that we've finally come out the other end, I'm hit by this bittersweet feeling. 2020-2021 has without a doubt been one of the most intense periods of my life and I can only imagine what it must have been like for others in more extreme situations: international students, first year students and students who have been trapped in an unsafe or tense home environment during the pandemic. To them I say, screw whatever marks you get, congratulations on making it here now. You should be incredibly proud of yourself.
Last year I did a little post about what I learnt from my first year at uni so I'm carrying on the tradition today. Most of these I think are more life lessons that I've learnt the hard way over the last year. While I hate to reduce an internationally traumatic time to "character building" being a filmmaker during the pandemic has definitely done... something to my resilience, to my opinion of myself and others. Without further ado, here's what I learnt.
1. Dreams are more powerful than plans
Before this year I've always ranked plans above dreams because dreams are an abstract, plans are about physically getting there right?
Well, in a year where plans have changed so much and so often, I've come to appreciate how powerful a dream is. Where you want to be, what kind of person you want to be, what you want to create, that can stand unwavering while physical plans change all the time. How you get there is un-important, your plans are a means to an end to support a dream which is much more important. You can't be disheartened by plans not going through so long as your dream is still strong.
2. Healthy competition should not be a cause for anxiety
My biggest mistake this year is without a doubt how much I've compared myself to others. I'd kid myself into thinking it was just healthy competition but the truth is it only made me anxious and I KEPT DOING IT! Competition on a course like mine is natural. You look to your peers for advice and to make you a better filmmaker. Working with people you're a little bit jealous of will help you to improve. Tail-spinning however is not healthy or productive.
Some people are just really really good at what they do. You can either get wound up wondering why you're not that good, or get over it and ask them to help you out! If I had spent half the time asking people I think are good on my course for help instead of worrying that I'm terrible then I think I would have improved a lot more than I did. They may even ask you for help in the future!
3. Diversity is a fundamental part of filmmaking
This year one of our tutors Kam started a series of workshops exploring diversity. This included talks on masculinity and femininity in different cultures, race, sexuality, neurodivergence and behind the scenes representation. We were encouraged to examine our own upbringings and prejudices and how we might incorporate different views and experiences into our writing and casting.
The transition from learning about, to practicing diversity in our filmmaking might be a difficult one but the more I learn the more I understand why diversity is so important to our industry. Our industry is all about storytelling, what kind of filmmakers are we if we only tell half the stories? Whether it means interrogating yourself over casting choices or even stepping aside to give another voice a chance, diversity needs to become part of the process of filmmaking until it becomes as natural as setting up lights or writing up a call sheet.
4. Write for yourself, make a film for the audience
This year I fell for one of the classic blunders (5 points to anyone who gets that reference) I brought a scene I wrote for myself, with no real intentions behind it to pitch as a short film.
Pity Parade was a pilot TV episode I jotted down during a sleepless night feeling frustrated at LGBT+ representation. When it was finished I was proud of it. There wasn't much to it, just a series of characters having vaguely witty conversations but I liked the characters and felt like I'd done a good job.
I'm happy with how the final film turned out but it feels like I've tried to shove a foot in a thimble. Something that I wrote for the joy of it had to be reshaped to fit a format it was never meant to and still doesn't even after 20 odd re-drafts. During this process I felt like it lost a lot of the rambling charm I originally liked about it. I know re-drafting is part of the process but this felt like I wasn't writing for me anymore, I was writing to fit a brief and I wish instead I had just written something that was a short film instead of trying to mould Pity Parade into a three act structure that didn't come naturally.
I wish I had taken a step back, started from the beginning and written something with the same themes but a different story so the writing could still be me instead of stubbornly prodding my idea for the audience's sake.
5. Mighty are the Persistent
Could I have done better this year? Yes. I know I could have tried harder at times, pushed myself more, done more research and looked after myself better. It would be easy for me now to say "I had my chance at directing and I did fine but maybe it's not the path for me" but my goal, my dream hasn't changed. I still want to write and direct and tell stories like I have been doing since I was a child.
When I think of all the writers and directors I admire there's a trait they all have in common, persistence. You need persistence to even finish a screenplay and get to the end. Persistence is what's going to set me apart at this point in my career because others will give up and pursue something else, and I'm not ready to do that yet. I want to try again. I want to improve and have the chance to put what I've learnt this year into practice. I know I'm not the best at everything but I am annoyingly, stubbornly persistent.
I am so proud of what everyone in my class has been able to do this year, especially my housemates because I've seen their struggles in close quarters. They've helped me be persistent and get through this time and I don't know where I would be without them.
We only have one more year to go and I can't wait to see how we all attack third year like a bunch of crazy creative people who've been stuck inside for months.
I hope everyone has a wonderful summer and enjoys the company of family and friends.